Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We need a shit load of segways right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
