Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
