Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my liver is dry heaving
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
