i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
