Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
