I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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