Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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