oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
