eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
