That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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