She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
