I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
