A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
