I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
