Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
