Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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