I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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