Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There are leaves in my underwear?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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