I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
