I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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