the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
