my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
