You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
