FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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