The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
