i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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