I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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