cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
