I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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