I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
