Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
