I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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