I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize