You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize