went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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