Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
