My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
