Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
