I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
