My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
