He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
