Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
