I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
