i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
