I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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