One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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