omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize