you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
