I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
