Are we in a gay sports bar?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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