I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
