I need help removing her.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
