Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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