Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
