I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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