U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
