I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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