hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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