This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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