yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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