thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
