did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
