He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
