What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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