My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
