I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
