I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
