just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
