apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
