im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
