guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
