she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
