Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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