we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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