I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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