but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
