Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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