my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
