She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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