too bad you live with your parents still
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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