FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
