Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
