Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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