Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
