Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I party with great urgency now.
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