i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
