So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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