My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
