Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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