so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
