dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
