i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my shit smells like andre
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
