I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
