I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
organizing the empties. That sober.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
