I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its liver damage thursday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize