just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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