I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
