be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
