The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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