I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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