You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
