her vagine was all disorganized.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
