I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
