I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
