I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize