just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
