It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
